Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting...[drumroll please!]

So I've finally decided to post a picture of myself, so you can get an appreciation of the amazing looks that go along with the amazing brain. Also, if I'm going to be sleeping with your girlfriend, wife, sister or you (if you're a female, that is, don't want to excite any pink-martini sipping, skinny jean-wearing fairy boys in case I have any among my fans - my poop chute will ALWAYS be an exit, just as God intended it to be, you twisted sons-of-...I'm digressing), I thought it would help to know what you're working with. Too bad the law doesn't allow me to show you the ACTUAL goods, but all females that bear no resemblance to Joice Mujuru can come to the showroom for a test drive.

I don't exaggerate, my nuts are about as big as Jupiter, and if you can picture that, it means I don't need to say much about the other key area of my anatomy.Some days, because I'm the boss and 500 people exist solely to serve me daily, I don't even go in to work - I just stay at home and admire my nuts, and then I send an email to my staff inviting any who would like a day off to come to my home and recite a short poem about how impressive my private parts are, and then I free them for the day. It's a win-win, all round. Well, except for the wife.

Then again, maybe that's not really me in the picture. It could be anyone; hell, it could be Bob. Except taller. And not exuding evil.

You never know with me.

Now stop reading senseless shit on the Internet and get back to work.

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