Fanmail from the Illiterati

A few weeks after posting my article entitled "It's Not About the Business, It's About You, Idiot", I received this lovely comment from an anonymous but obviously adoring fan:

"Bollocks!!!! This post is seriously flawed & misleading. Sometimes it takes several failures for people to fugure out what they need to do to be successful in business. It is only those who get off their backsides and try something who will ever make or improve something. They might never make it but if they do, their actions will poitively impact not only themselves but countless other lives.

It's IDIOTS like the author of this post whose put - downs discourage people from venturing into the unknown. The likes of California & most of the USA, South Africa, Australia e.t.c are great because of people who saw others making money in particular ventures and sought to do the same. In the process of so doing, there imaged some top & shrewd industrial, banking & commercial giants. A market is created by the entry of many participants. Not all those participants will become rich but the wealth of the nation increases because of their joint actions.

VW Toureg??????? For crying out loud, couldn't you have found a better car to use as an example? Your choice of car just shows how low you really are.

ZAKEO ZAKEOS you are an IDIOT, A LOW - LIFER with such a narrow mind who will NEVER make it onto the Forbes list."

Wow. Serious stuff indeed! I always enjoy reading fanmail, especially when my readers set aside some of their precious time to carefully analyze each of the points I raise before posting comments. I am not at all averse to criticism, which is why both positive and negative comments to my posts remain on my blog. What some misguided readers don't realize is that I didn't start my blog to be agreeable. If I wanted to be agreeable I would sit silently in my office with the door closed, considering the fine paint-job on my wall, instead of switching on my laptop and having an opinion. Unless you're a delusional, bald-headed, drugged-up Nazi, you'll find it rather difficult to disagree with someone who hasn't said a word.

But open your mouth and you open yourself up to all types disagreement and criticism. You could say "The sky is blue", and some fuckwad will jump into your face and scream, "Blue?! Blue?! Are you blind? The sky is azure, idiot!"

So some people will disagree with me. I get it. I expect it. Hell, people even disagreed with Jesus, and he raised the frikkin' dead. It's not something you would think people should find disagreeable, but they did.

However, when I posted my first article I gave a few terms and conditions for people wishing to read my blog. They have evolved slightly, but the key points remain the same. If you wish to read my blog:

1. Don't.

It is written primarily for my amusement, and for like-minded individuals, of which there are very few in the world. My blog is not and has never been politically correct, nor is it sexually, racially, or religiously correct, and at times may not even be grammatically correct. If you like your shit correct, visit my other websites, www.nationalgeographic.com and www.christian.com.

2. Don't comment.

Because my shit smells like freshly-baked candy cakes with the pink icing on top, I do not accept negative comments from anyone whose shit smells any less delicious than mine. Period. If you are so intelligent and erudite go start your own blog and get off my dick. Otherwise stop blowing air out your ass about what I've written; I know what I'm talking about because I'm a genius, and handsomer than a photoshopped Brad Pitt-Denzel Washington hybrid sex machine to boot.

3. If you absolutely must comment...

Have the decency to read the entire article, digest the points I have made (though many times I admittedly have no point at all), and then give a considered and well thought-out comment. If you can't do this, do something even easier: shut the fuck up and close your browser.

For example, with regards to the article under discussion, some imbecile commented, "I'd venture to say you've never started a business..." Now tell me, what the hell does that have to do with anything? Does Bill Gates' computer lecturer also run a multi-billion dollar global business? Must every business college professor, just because he teaches people how to run a business, also himself have a booming business to make his teachings valid? Even if I didn't have a business, it doesn't automatically mean my ideas are wrong, especially since it's me, and no one exists that can prove that I've ever had a wrong idea in my life.

Stop annoying everyone else and read the damn article before commenting. My accomplishments, as extensive as they are, will not be catalogued here, for that is hardly the purpose of this blog. But in my article nowhere do I discourage people from starting businesses. I clearly state that even if you can't have an original business idea and want to copy, at least find a business that you can be passionate about, and that you'd be willing to stick with through lean times until it turns the corner. No matter how romantically you want to wax about it, building a successful business is about more than just having a dream. Its also about focus and discipline, hard work and passion. I'd love for Anonymous to point out to me anyone on the Forbes Rich List who didn't have these things, and whose business did not take at least a decade to build.

I also did not say people shouldn't try different ideas. I complained about people wading into already saturated markets, just because they heard such and such is making money, without a clue how that person runs their business profitably, and without the same level of passion for that type of business as that person has. I mention car dealerships; there are streets in Harare on which you will see six car dealerships on a 1km stretch of road, all selling the same entry level Japanese cars, with the same colors and the same prices. And then 100m on you see another guy spreading 3/4 stones and erecting shades to construct the 7th car dealership, to sell the exact same type of cars. This makes no business sense. What's his unique selling proposition: Will he offer better pricing? No. A different range of cars? No. A 30 day money back guarantee? Hell no. Free 2 day test drives? You must be kidding. Extended financing? Please. He has no clue what those things are, but he just wants a car dealership because "ine mari".

It's a waste of his time and energy. He will without fail lose money. But let's not "discourage him from venturing into the unknown", shall we? Let's let Tonderai follow his dream, because the sky is the limit and his "actions will poitively (??) impact not only himself but countless other lives." And from him will "image some top & shrewd commercial giant."

Nice.

I must also mention at this juncture that if anyone is discouraged from "venturing into the unknown" by the "put-downs" in my article, then I've done them an enormous favor. They were going to fail spectacularly anyway, and I deserve a medal for saving their bank a lot of money and them a lifetime of headaches, ulcers and high blood pressure. Successful businesses are built by people who have grit and the strength of conviction to follow through with their ideas despite whatever obstacles may litter their path. If you can be discouraged from pursuing your business ideas by a tiny blog written by an anonymous author on the World Wide Web, then you're a born loser and are better off focusing on honing your skills as a waitress at the
Cheesecake Factory forever.

Lastly, it's not my fault I don't watch MTV Cribs, or BBC's Top Gear, or read GQ Cars. I really thought the VW Toureg was the fanciest, most expensive car in the world. Obviously I'm mistaken. Can someone please tell me what better car exists in the world, so that next time I write about a bank teller's aspirations for two years in business I can use that car instead. That will be much more realistic, for a bank teller to have imagined buying a car just like Jay-Z's in two years rather than one his old classmate is now driving. How idiotic of me.

Intelligent people will more carefully consider their next business ventures because of this blog post, they will take from here what makes sense for them and filter the rest, and give themselves a better chance of success. The failures will say, "That guy is a low-life and an idiot, fuck him and his discouraging ideas, I will follow my dreams, all of them together, at once, and in 1 year I will be a billionaire and driving a Bugatti Veyron."

To both groups I say, "Good luck."

zakeozim@gmail.com

www.zim-madness.blogspot.com